BEYOND THE BIG SKY

This is going to be TOUGH because this girl is a WRITER and she is way more eloquent and definitely better at articulating her thoughts than I do. Boy, do I have to put on my big boy pants because this girl deserves all the big words to describe her. She packs one hell of a punch.

Riki Angeles, is a girl I first met at a prod class in Ateneo around 6 years ago (crazy to think about tbh). We were both a bit awkward because we both shifted out from our initial courses in our sophomore year, me a bit more awkward than her though, because she already had some connections with the other people in the class due to her being a member of the Loyola Film Circle. I clearly remember our first interaction because I was really taken aback upon hearing her name. We were asked to partner up with someone and since I was sitting directly next to her, I turned to her suggestively and she just sent me back a beam. In a tone a tad too whimsy for my liking, she spoke first. “Hi, I’m Riki. Do you want to be in a group?” Riki…? Is it like Ricky? Short for something…? and then I thought, pausing for a split second, does she have like some Japanese genes in her? Obviously, I continued to ask her about what was bugging me, to which she replied with a stern no. “What made you think that?” She asked me quizzically. And that is how our friendship began at that prod room.

Riki was a very bubbly person back in university. Don’t get me wrong – she still is. But I feel like she’s completely controlled her bubbly-ness in a way that’s really worth publishing an academic paper for. To say the least, a social butterfly, literally floating around campus with her feet off the ground, bouncing from friend group to friend group like flowers in the spring. Oddly, at that time, I also kind of fit the same definition as her since I too had a lot going on for me in my social life. In that way, Riki felt like a kindred spirit to me. We loved people, and we loved being around people. Aside from her progressive mindset, impeccable taste in music, and the positive aura she emits that perfectly nullifies my cynicism, I really bonded with Riki because we kind of jammed around the same wavelength. I don’t necessarily brand myself as someone who likes smart people, but I do have a proclivity of wanting to surround myself with people with substance (not that kind🌿). Riki is one of said people. She fits the bill – she can be snarky in a non-demeaning way, great at articulating her thoughts, knows how to read a room, and is all-in-all a great judge of character.

She became one of my go-to people on campus if ever I wanted sound advice, catchups on acads, or actual meaningful and constructive conversations (convos at JSEC or org rooms with Starbucks in one hand and my phone in the other can get pretty depleting if done too much, if we are being completely honest). I distinctly remember one of the turning points of our friendship being that one spontaneous lunch at old Lan Kwai on a rainy afternoon. Up until then we never really dug deeper than the normal conversations we used to have, and I guess us trauma dumping about the eccentricities of our families really made us bond at a more profound level. I also think it was the day that I became her fan. Riki – from the lively, energetic, super-extrovert, became so much more to me. Riki, or 力 in Japanese means strength. I left Lan Kwai realizing that maybe her parents really were on to something.

Riki is also one of my constants who survived my Pandemic reaping, when I went entirely off-grid and decided to quit college. I was hellbent on pushing everyone away when I was in my most destructive state and yet this silly girl really clung on to me for dear life (she kept on sending me “Hey Patrick, how are you holding up?” messages every couple of weeks or so, gods, she’s so fucking annoying lol :”) When I decided to finally resurface and got the chance to go back home to the Philippines when lockdown was over, I was hellbent on surprising the shit out of her – which I successfully did, and it still is one of my fondest memories of the post pandemic.

Our university days truly morphed into the past for most of us and we all became busy with our respective lives. Adulting is really hard and it never gets easier – and yet again, Riki, would be a kindred soul for me in these struggling times. Since both of us went straight into the labor force once the pandemic has died down, we still were one of each other’s most reliable support systems. We still had the same lengthy conversations. It’s just that the topics have shifted in such a polarizing way: once we talked about college relationships, academics, production work, and in a blink of an eye, we were discussing our respective office gossips, taxes, work-life-balance, and the day-to-day struggle of working in the middle of this metro chaos.

I once again ended up in dark places during the past couple of years, suffering from a really bad case of clinical depression. But Riki, yet again, never gave up on me. There was a point where we weren’t even talking for MONTHS on end, and yet when I finally mustered enough courage to hit her up, she responded as if nothing has happened, and we caught up on our shit like it was regular scheduled programming. I think our conversations around her last breakup was the night I ultimately decided I’m keeping her – and that even if she ended up hating me, I will make a conscious effort to keep myself in her life. I remember I was walking around Makati at 1 AM and we just kept on talking on the phone, dropping these massive F-bombs like they were nothing. We were like, “Ano? Kape na ba? Are we really going to Centris? ANO BA?” We ended up not going though – so we scheduled one around a week later.

Riki is one of the few people who taught me that there is a different kind of bliss when you get to rediscover a friend. See, one thing I cannot stress enough is that college Riki and adult Riki, albeit being similar in disposition, are intrinsically, two very different people. Yes, she is still bubbly, yes she is still the same approachable Riki – but also, she’s not. A part of me truly believes that Riki’s graciousness as a person is one of her most admirable qualities, yet at the same time, one of her biggest flaws. But when we finally got to reconnect, I strongly felt a strong shift in energy in her. And I, in all possible timelines, personally prefer this newer variant of Riki. There is something very charming in how Riki evolved as an individual throughout our friendship: she now possesses this finesse in not taking anymore bullshit that is obviously being thrown her way. If this was old Riki, she would probably just scoff it off. “Whoops, maybe not.” She would smile wryly, and not make a big deal out of almost anything. That in itself takes an immense skill to do, yet now, I think Riki has mastered her craft and is now capable of timely assessing what’s placed in front of her. Now she’s more of a, “You know what, it might have been okay in the past, but I’m not tolerating any more of this bullshit. Fuck off.” I love this color on her so much. This does not sound like a good trait by any means, but guess what: when you are thrown into the cesspool that is Philippine corporate work and have way too much on your plate that includes increasing prices on all daily necessities, public transportation that probably will never be in favor of commuters, a government that doesn’t have the best interest of the people in mind, a job that demands you to offer up your time and soul on a silver platter – needless drama and borderline stupidity is something you absolutely have no energy for to deal with. Like, pick a struggle. Riki, now painfully aware of what the reality is like for most people in our situation, has definitely stepped up. Kindness, a positive outlook, resilience – these are all amazing qualities to have, and they will definitely take you far. Riki has more than enough of these. But assertiveness, a strong sense of duty, and the ability to say no when enough is enough, is what gets you to the finish line. I reiterate – I love this version of you Riki, please never change. If anything, go all out, I might even dare say.

Okay, now on more recent news. So Riki has decided to go to law school and I fully support her decision on trekking into this new endeavor. I know it’s going to be tough readjusting back into a lifestyle drowning in sleepless nights, endless readings, and the whole package of academic stress – but knowing her, it’s gonna be okay. I’m not one to speak on things outside my fortes, so I can’t really say much about what goes on in the life of a law school student. But I think this time will also do Riki good. She can retest the limits of her mental and emotional stamina, and I am absolutely sure she can come out from this all better and anew. All I can do is support her from the sidelines, which I hope I can do plenty. Riki, you aren’t invincible and I hope you remember that showing signs of weakness to the people you trust will for sure help you get through this – although all I can provide you is comical relief every now and then, always know that I’m only a message away (replies within 2-3 business days).

I hope I didn’t pop a nerve when I greeted you in a very dry manner this morning Riki, I’m praying you could read this on your way back home from your dinner tonight and let me off easy. Happy Happy Birthday, Riki Angeles! Always remember that you have a friend that is living vicariously through you – so you need to really pop off in life. Full pressure. This is not a threat, merely stating facts. I just know you will be someone many people will look up to and say, damn. I wish for nothing but good things to come your way on your birthday and that all the fruits of your hard work will pay off in dividends. Chandler and Sawyer says hi (I know this will make you smile a bit), and please never forget to take care of yourself. You are honestly one of the most amazing people I know (and I’m pretty sure you know this already😉) Stay STRONK! You ain’t a RIKI for nothing💪

Happy Birthday, Riki! Manifest your shit (because it’s definitely happening)!